Facebook's Mini Feed

There it is, the most dreaded news in facebook;

" Ziggy and Paolo ended their relationship."

These mini feeds are known to be notorious, almost invasive as it announces every event in your life. It shows everything from what you've done the night before, where you've been and almost as certain, your relationship status. Worse, it shows the whole world wide web how wasted you were the weekend, or worse the weekday before!

I have asked around and many of whom who never bothered knowing us started saying, " are you alright honey?" and many of whom who knows about us simply kept mum about it.

I had to ask, as curious as I am, what people really had to say about my relationship.

" We were not surprised.." most of them blurted.

And there it was, the undeniable statement I wasn't sure I ever wanted to hear, a validation of what I was really feeling deep down inside.

It died, early this year, and I have kept reviving and reviving it until I had almost brought it back to life. But he had given up, pretended that it can run on its own, with a life saving machine, it still was inevitable.

It was gone. It being the operative word for "the" relationship, is gone.

If it indeed die its natural death, what caused it? Wasn't it said that absence makes the heart fonder?

It didn't for me. I guess it didn't as well for him. Honestly, we would never know about it anymore. Hard as it may, we both had to accept that it happened, the break up, in a very awkward time and place, a wedding.

It had to, for there was no other place. Same issues arise, old time stories that at that very moment was more intense, almost like a siren that reverberates in your ear and gives you the feeling that you just have to get out of the vicinity.

And get out I did.

Everything seemed to have fallen into place, the statements, the principles, the time to break up. It seemed everything was laid out to the outcome that everyone has expected it to be. But why? Why did we ever give this impression that it's never going to last when it used to be that there is this big possibility that some love stories endure the test of time?

It wasn't easy, for both of us, but moving out was, from both Shanghai and the relationship. Ending the contract of the apartment was harder than disposing all of the things we accumulated together. There were a lot of sacrifices that needed to be done, executed in a precise way, almost immediately.

But then one has to pause and think, " so what happens now?"

I had no choice but to be true to myself and think of the greater good. Be a bigger person and take responsibility when I have to. That's why, after how many weeks, I had to finally write this;

To Paolo,

Im sorry, for all the hurt, pain and suffering. I admit to what I have done wrong and what I have failed to do for the relationship. I admit that I am not a better person without you at the moment but I will be soon enough. I had to learn to live with myself and now I am getting the hang of it.

You have been a person with good heart and a happy person at that. Too bad we never got to be close the same way as you are with your friends. I sincerely hope you become successful and happy with your life, and live it the way you've always wanted it to be, without me.

Ziggy

And with this note i leave this yesterday behind, ready to start my today.