The Rainbow Flight

I find myself in a CX flight to Hongkong listening to Lykke Li,
remembering my Josue. Hmmm...

In the lounge earlier, between my beef noodle and steamed dimsum- loving the
noodle bar and thinking it is the best idea in any lounge so far- I
found myself staring at the world map, examining how small the island of Dominican
Republic is, Josue's origin. He was born in New York
though.

As I start changing my attention to other things, I noticed that it
was time to board the plane.

On the way to the plane, I got a message from Josue prompting me to call him. As we
exchange our final sweet words, I could not help but start feeling a
bit lonely. I got so used to waking up to him coming
home from school.

I started to miss him officially.

From my seat I started noticing the number of gay boys in the
plane. Guess they all came from G5. Welcome to the rainbow flight en
route to Bangkok, Thailand!

Despite the excitement I feel in seeing my friends a few hours later, I can't help
but ponder on the last few days that have gone by.

I feel I had changed for the better.

But then I ask myself, given the opportunity to do it all again, would I?

All I can say for now is I am glad I did it.

Sent from my iPhone

Not!

Now that I think about it, I am pretty excited to see my friends.

Although, as the day ends, the more i find it difficult to accept that I will be leaving Ban Qiao temporarily.

Not a good feeling.

Im beginning to loose a part of myself, giving space to a new me, down to earth, simple, happy and excited, and a bit Dominican Black on the side.

And who said about going black and never coming back?

I did better.

Not bad.

Paul in Bangkok

Paul is now in Bangkok. He has been there since Christmas eve and only God knows what he has been up to.

I received a message from him today saying that has gotten himself an apartment with a huge party place.

I am arriving tomorrow evening after which i am planning to meet up with him or dinner.

Angela, my dear best friend, instructed her driver to pick me up in the airport and bring me to her apartment, while the maid awaits for my arrival.

hmm..


What a life, i am back where i belong..

G5

Now on to G5. Typing this entry in a cab going to Chris' place.

Chris - a guy I met with Josue during the first time I visited.

With us in the cab is Brendan, Josue's housemate which earlier on I
helped to pick up a shirt for tonight.

Brendan- young Canadian studying engineering in Taipei with a friend
visiting from Toronto, Jimmy.

Jimmy- who now is dating brendan's russian friend who's got a funny
accent everytime she yells "brrrreenndhhhannn"

G5- famous gay party in Taipei full of shit and Taiwanese
guys.

We went in, hands clasped. Josue leading the way. While a sea of half
naked Taiwanese men rocks from side to side, we initially stayed in
the secomd floor until we found ourselves Kitty high and in the VIP area
of the Dj booth.

Josue's ex was playing, Dj David S. I met him him long before Josue
came to Taiwan, in the back of a jeep in Phuket, Thailand during the
nation 5 party. He was then just starting.

The music was amazing andso was emily and kitty. Everything was going
slow then fast then slow, my vision was 2d, 3d, 3d, 4d... And so on..

It was a good night.

I was exhausted.

Sent from my iPhone

The Characters We Play

The personalities in Taipei are quite interesting. We met several
people that night. Jose, a Spanish guy passing through taipei.

He grabs me from the table in funky. Me being swept away as the
vallium kicks in with the second bottle of Absolute.

Found myself lip locking with Jose a few times hence the my friends
started baptizing me with a new name.

I met Josue that night, and everytime I would pass by him, he would
grab and press my hand.

We were four boys that night, four different characters, one mindset.

Enjoy Taipei.

Bob-Miranda
Eddy-Carrie
Roj-Charlotte
And me, Samantha.

Great, now I'm a fucking slut.

Sent from my iPhone

December 21

So now I'm in Taipei. Got it as a free ticket from being a marco polo
member.

Sweet.

I have been planning to go back anyways since the first time Bob,
Eddy, Roj and myself went there two weeks back. Before we even left, I have finished planning my return.

I wonder why.

So we decided to go on a move and start the party in rooms.

Yakult and vodka - not bad, thanks Bob.

As the night deepens we went to a club called Funky, as this place
can't get any smellier, I spent 4k NT, a whole pill of valium and a
bunch of fabulous friends around me.

The night was just starting.

I am high. ;-)

Sent from my iPhone

The Lion and the Tin Man

I was empty and feeling a bit alone that night. My friend asked me to go out and sadly to say, we went to Volume again.

After a few drinks and putting up my defensive armor against the "fuglies" that night, we proceeded to Drop once again.

I saw Lukas, after many weeks that I met my handsome Italian.

While looking at Lukas I got a bit worried and started whispering to my friend that I may end up in the toilet again with him but then even before I finished what I was saying, Leo came right behind Lukas.

They were together. Leo was the boyfriend that Lukas was talking about while he was giving me a something-something.

Sucks.

Random night in October

Was in Drop once again hanging out with my straight Italian friends Mathia and Alessandro who in that period was bunking with me as he tries to find modeling jobs in town.

Alessandro is a handsome bloke, so good looking that it waters my friends’ mouths every time he is around. But his mouth waters for the other more exotic team of Hong Kong. Eeww to that.

Even though we wacked off to porn, he would never pitch for our team.

So I was minding my own business until I see a nice, no beautiful man sitting in front of me. He was initially opposite but then after I came back from the toilet, he was seated where I was sitting, so then I had no choice but to stand beside him.

While my side rubbed against his left shoulder, I did not notice any resentment.

I bumped into him again in the toilet, asked him to join me for a line but he refused.

His name is Leo and he is Italian.

Obviously, I was smitten.

Random night in September- The Lukas Episode

I was in Drop with two of my friends. One met a German guy, they flirted and went to the washroom. I on the other hand stayed with the other, while he eyes a tall straight guy. Moments later, a familiar face suddenly showed up in the crowd. It was my other friend's colleague, Lukas.

Lukas = trouble

Don’t really know much about this guy. But according to another friend who obviously didn't want to go out that night, he does spell trouble. They’re officemates and since some people I know had sexual encounters with him long ago, that apparently scared the kid tremendously. Kid meaning Lukas being 26 years old.

A common friend of Lukas and I didn’t want to add salt to injury, he knew what really happened. I don't.

We shared a bag that night and the next few week end nights after that.

Normally finding ourselves doing lines inside the cubicle, we started from laughing and making jokes to kissing and getting down on our knees..

It happened several times, and every time it did, it was getting better in all “naked” aspects.

We never came but we were always high.

Tiny, tiny Hong Kong

I never truly realized how tiny Hong Kong is until lately.

It is actually so small that if you are trying to avoid seeing some people, you're most likely to fail more often than not.

I bumped into Garrick in the most unusual and unexpected time. Lunch on a school day.

I was meeting Rajo and Bernice passing by from China en route to Manila and my couple friends. What made it more unusual was the fact that I am having lunch with them in broad daylight. Yeah, that’s strange.

Boldly avoiding him, we suddenly found each other in a small restaurant in Alexandra house called Cova, strange that in all places, we ended up being in the same place.

He said hi and I did the same. Later on during the day, he send a text message saying nice seeing me.

I was indifferent.

Pour Ma Chakouba

Je veux que vous sachiez comment vous etes precieux pour moi. Vous estes venus a moi dans le plus parfait fois de ma vie. le bebe et je vais toujours hate detre avec vous. Vous etes mon mari et je suis pret a passer le reste de mari avec vous. Etre en securite et hereux. Je taime Chekib.

Ont toujours moi dans votre couer pour vous este toujours dans la mienne. Je pense toujours de vous mon amour et de la valeur que vous avez beaucoup de valeur comme je lai ma vie. Je taime tellement.

Caprese!

My dinner tonight... yum!

It's official

The last time i saw you, you were looking in my eyes

The last time i saw you, your body laid close to mine

The last time i saw you, you left me with the sweetest grin

and now you smile without me, knowing that smile will always be mine

every deep breath, every little sigh

belongs to me, all the time.

My Imagination

It is amazing that a city like Hong Kong transforms itself from one beautiful place to another and another and another. Antiques shops open in the morning, pubs and restaurants become beautiful cafés serving breakfast and hot baked goodies. This is why I enjoy riding cabs to work, expecting to see an array of activities and of course men..

Every day is like an orchestrated act of men doing their normal chores. Coffee shops get packed with the male species so good looking and so fresh like they still have glad wrap around them. These men are special and nice to look at not only because they exude so much testosterone but also because with beauty like that, one would start to wonder where in Hong Kong do they come from? You never get to see them in bars or clubs, so what do they do for fun? Better yet you may ask, where have all the good men been hiding?

One sunny spring day, I found myself reading a message coming from someone who I have met some time ago during one of my visits home. Having met him and his friends in one of the best club in Manila, I was introduced well and had a brief hi and hello chat over a glass of champagne. Interestingly, I never ever thought he was someone I could imagine flirting with, until…

We exchanged several messages then, planning to meet up, leaving hints that I wanted to see him a. With vested interest, as I normally have with anyone I like, I kept dropping hints of flirtation hoping he with pick it up or bite in. He didn’t. Well not to my understanding.

Like Hong Kong, I never gave up re inventing myself. Weeks past, plans of meeting up turned to be an impossible mission. I would go on dates, party and all, but never had the chance to break away, sneak out to at least say hello, knowing at one time, he was just in the bar next door to where I was, Drop.

Fast forward, with my reliable and ever so beautiful friends, we were flirting so hard with cute guys in Volume on a Friday night. We normally end up chatting up some cute ones, bringing them to the next club and then you know what. Well so we wish. Instead we find ourselves drowning each other in cosmopolitans, gin tonics and of course my signature vodka tonic.

Then we decided to go to the next, barely able to walk, we headed to Propaganda.

It was then I remembered that this guy, sent me a message earlier and agreed to meet somewhere in SOHO. Agreement or no agreement we did not get to meet again as agreed.

Not long, I found myself tracking the short dark corridors of Propaganda when I saw someone drunk, familiar and excruciatingly cute.

It was him.

He was headed to catch up with some of his friends, again in the next bar. Barely I minute we locked our eyes with each other’s and this time agreed to meet to be together that night.

Having finally met him and seen him, everything was different this time. It was then when I started understanding the meaning of his messages in my Inbox.

“ You pee a lot?” I told him in between him giving me a kiss on my neck and answering Mother Nature’s call. We laughed endlessly in my bathroom till he couldn’t pee anymore. It was cute, no it was more than cute- it was funny cute.

He was in my bed, beautiful, sweet, touchy, kiss and oh so lovely. I liked it though, I felt like I was on for a magic carpet ride. But that adventure started way earlier, way drunker and way more wasted.

It was at Drop that we finally got together, he bought a bottle of champagne as a sign of celebration that we, finally met. I liked that – men in control, so sure of themselves, so confident, exuding with power, used in many different ways.

In a world where there is a lot of power play, people tend to navigate on either side to recognize their inner most wants and desires. To know this we simply have to ask;

In this day and age, how do we end up participating in a push and pull situation?

He pushed us to drink the whole bottle, the culprit that tipped him over to my side, as I was trying to pull him towards me-though not physically. He budged, the same time I was talking to him and telling him the minute I started thinking about him. The nudging wasn’t tiny hence I expected a huge reaction. It was. I didn’t know if I could handle it but then he said,

“ Don’t tell your friends because I don’t want anyone to know.”

“ Go out ahead and I will meet you outside..”

We had spoken of a lot of things that night, things we didn’t have to say. But it was inevitable. He made me think, laugh and giggle. He made me float and allowed my spirit hover over two bodies, sweating passionately. His lips were like soft tofu, his skin felt like wind from the dessert rubbing softly on my bare skin. It was simply erotic.

We were lost in each other.

Gasping for air, we paused several times, not minding hours have passed so quickly. We kissed and touched each other several times, connecting in so many ways, both emotionally and physically. We couldn’t muster the strength to separate from each other until we opened our eyes to see that the light of day was slowly creeping through the windows…

It was time to go and left a mark he did.

As he vowed and promised that he would see me again, I also had to make mine, that is to keep his identity and in keeping his, I end up keeping mine, my personality to the point of being, in my own society, incognito.

But there was definitely something about him, a connection I never felt before. Something tells me there is more to what I see and what I feel for him. Him with his power, integrity and confidence he leaves me breathless, eager for the next time to come.

But for now, all I can be is a figment of his imagination…

My home where everything started. My cradle where I learned to stand up and face the world.

It was when i grew up to start becoming the person who I am now.

I owe so much to this city.

Forever grateful.

The Midas Touch

Autumn has always been perceived as the start of winter and the end of summer. It is also a time where Hong Kong people goes to the mainland to celebrate the traditional moon cake festival. Like Christmas, people come together, families join together over dinner and friends start getting boozed up under the beautiful full moon. For first timers, it was believed that there was something magical about it. After my long weekend in Shanghai on this magical moment, I myself would start to believe that there must be some truth to it, after all.

I scheduled my trip as usual, last minute as I have original plans to go to London for a wedding of a friend. Since I wasn’t feeling very well days before, I decided to cancel my trip and hoped for a quiet weekend.

The start of my mooncake week went on very smoothly, normal work load, meeting friends over lunch and dinner, drinks and sometimes just a short chat over the phone. People sending out fruit baskets, turning the conference room into a fruit stand, having received at least 12 baskets on day three.

In this same week, I have been in contact with a French man who I have met in Shanghai not too long ago, with his then boyfriend and my then boyfriend. In his 30s, he looked smashing with his cute and Twinkie boyfriend beside him, until they broke up weeks ago, after 4 years. At that time, it was believed that we were the model couples to aspire for; both stayed as long and lived quite a fabulous lifestyle, except for being open sexually with other people.

Its not a crime to receive indecent proposals, although not being particularly a fan during those days, I never really enjoyed them. I never saw myself in a relationship having other activities with people I see mostly every weekend, specially in the same social places and circles.

Well not until now.



The beauty of Shanghai still lies in its architecture and Maple tree lined streets. I became a bit nostalgic having lived there for more than 5 years. Pains, hurt, disappointment, laughter, success and pride all comes back the moment the plane touches down and more so when approaching the city center, the place I used to live.

Having recently been single, I look forward to meeting new people, new friends and of course bumping in to my ex and finding out how he has been doing for the last 3 months when I’m in Shanghai. No denying, I am still very interested on his well-being.



On the way to city from the airport, I was messaged by a friend and asked me to follow them to Lounge 18 at the Bund. Being known to be the in place at the moment, beautiful people of Shanghai gather and drown themselves with alcohol, smoke and of course drugs. I was mesmerized by the sheer number of people trying to get in and as the line starts building up, I was getting worried that I was going to fall in line and wait an hour to get in. It was then 1:30 am and I am sure Martin Margiela and Yves Saint Laurent will not appreciate being in line with fake Moschinos, Dolce & Gabbana and Morgans. But since I am now a visitor in Shanghai, I humbled myself to fall in line and called my friend to pick me up at the door. And just by magic, I traversed the line, by passing people who has been there for more than 20 minutes.

“ Hello, how are you?” says a familiar voice behind me. After speaking with an Indian friend who happened to be my ex’s boss, I expected to hear that voice from somewhere, but not exactly saying hello to me as casual and as calm as how it was that night. It was him.

It was quite pleasant and I must admit I faded every now and then during my conversation with him assessing my well being if I was feeling comfortable with what has just transpired.

And just like that, I was floating to another conversation, not realizing, the next person I was talking to was a handsome straight guy, inviting me to join him in the washroom. Like magic, I was transported from having a nice talk with my ex to a washroom cubicle, talking and kissing him heavily and passionately.

After a few knocks on the door signaling us to hurry up with what we were actually doing, we stepped out only to bump in to another friend who then invited both of us in the cubicle once again. And just the same, the straight guy got what he wanted, and this time, it was more than a kiss.

Earlier on, I received a message that my French friend was in town for business. Since I was really interested, I obliged to his offer of going to hi hotel room. I thought and bringing him a bottle of wine to loosen things up since officially, that will be our first time to be together, alone. And just like magic, we didn’t need more words to say what we truly wanted to say, no more alcohol needed to help us express what we truly wanted to express. It was then we found ourselves entangled, locked in and passionately engaged to one another for hours, taking breaks and laughing till we get back on our track. It was good, the French in him did not fail me and the kisses were simply for the lack of word breath taking. I have to admit I have always wanted him and now, I get this chance.

As far as I can remember, many people told me to be careful on what I wish for because I just might get it. I have wished for many things and for some reason, I seem to have gotten them all, including this night, given that we are now geographically challenged and I never really had the any inclination that we have the same feelings for each other.

But then I come to a point where I had to stop and ask myself this question,

Do I really want the things that I get now or do I deserve them at all?

Like Midas, everything he touches turns to gold, and however that made him happy or not, for sure he regrets the fact that he has all these powers.

I have always been curious on being with straight guys, and it is believe that they are the new frontier. Ii have always been ignorant and wondered every time I hear people speak about having sex with straight men, not until this weekend.

From Friday at Lounge 18 and D2, the newest gay bar in Shanghai, to Saturday night at D2 again to Dragon Bar later on, I have experience some things I have only wished I would.

And happen it did.

Dancing alone merrily with friends, I seemed to have been minding my business until suddenly a beautiful Brazilian girl, who I have known long ago, grabbed me and started kissing me. I confess it wasn’t the first time, but what was weird was her then date, a very beautiful Danish guy, separated us, grabbing my head, pulling me to his face.

It was a fantastic kiss. Though I thought maybe they were just tripping, the guy whispered in my ear and said, “ You’re coming home with us later..”

With my friends as witness that night, one by one they started bidding farewell until my Mexican buddy asked me, “ I want to join in, can I?”

I don’t know if it was me or what but I have also wanted him for quite a long time now, being one of those most sought after bachelors of Shanghai.

In an instant, he started pulling me in one corner and smooched me in the dark with his soft lips and stubbles rubbing around my cheeks, neck, eyes and lips. It was so hot I was loosing myself, decided if I was to stop it or get another alcohol and decided on the latter as my throat was parched of all these things happening at the same time.

The night ended at 8 am with me in a cab, delirious and stunned with what has just happened in the last 3 hours.

Unbelievable even to me, I wouldn’t have imagined my night to transpire that way. I was actually hoping to have ended the night with someone else I feel more attracted to, but then I guess the stars lined them up for me. Alone, sore, tired and exhausted, I was left to ponder on what remains to be me in the light of the morning sun.

Although no amount of gold will satisfy the urge I have for the new frontier, it definitely won’t stop me from exploring my newly found powers even more. I realized things happen for a reason and I may never be able to explain why or how it does happen.

All I know is at the end of summer and winter’s beginning, all these experiences may sometimes make me or break me into pieces but it gives me a reason to rise once more, unscathed, unscarred and an ever stronger person.

A fool, recently

A good friend called me today who I have not spoken for a long while. He just recently broke up with his recently met boyfriend and asked about my recent affair which recently blew up in pieces..




Before you go away
To the one you do belong
So glad we met and you stayed
Though it wasn't very long
Was it only just a dream
Its over now it seems


If there were no goodbyes
Would you stay that you still care
I won't believe my eyes
When I see you won't be there
'Cause this love so hard to find
Now you're leavin' me behind


Please show me and tell me
How do you put this love aside
Put it away for another time
With no guarantee that you'll be mine
A fool I am it seems
Because I'll been lovin' you in my dreams
Until I wake up and I find out
That time ain't our friend
I'll just stay a fool until the end


Until I wake up and find out
that to you I will always be a fool until the end.

Garlic Breath

Being in Hong Kong is pretty much being in a world city, Asia’s only word city that is. So expectedly you will not have any problem getting to eat anything and everything you want, from different regions of the universe…not!

Its one thing to eat south east Asian food, its another if you get it right straight from your own home, prepared the home cooked way.!

My mom regularly sends home cooked goodies done by our maid beautifully. My favorites, Beef Salpicao, of garlic and Angus beef, Beef Mechado, of tomato sauce and Angus beef and Chicken Embotido, Spanish sausage of chicken breast, cheese and Spanish chorizo…all different “yummies” in their own right. Recently found a way to send me stuff, I hurried home to make sure I enjoy these local delicacies, only my home can make for me.

Happily enjoying a bowl of rice and a garlic filled Beef Salpicao, I was going through some of the emails when I have received a phone text from someone I recently met at Kee Club.

It was from my big crush with big expectations…

Although he was a bit vertically challenged, he had the cutest face with a naughty grin and sexy like porn star from Prague. He is Italian. He was interesting as he worked for fashion labels apart from planning to relocate to Australia and become a movie actor – yeah, thought that was a bit too much for one night.

Needless to say, we found each other lip locking in the bar of Volume while my then friend cum chaperon was flirting with the Disney grass / tree / tea cup / flower in a pot who has done such a wonderful re- enactment of the roles, in his own right- award winning. The good byes were cute, sweet, saliva filled and libido-intensity driven finding ourselves exchanging numbers as we tried to let go our aces from each other.

He said he wanted to come over, after sending a text message, coming from a party in Central, he found it necessary to tease me into coming out and having a drink. I won. We decided for him to come to the house and have a hot session of lust, lust and more lust.

We started flirting, as he loves to do it so much with wine and cheese, we eventually kissed and started getting naked. Needless to say, in a matter of minutes, we were in bed, dry humping each other.

In the midst of the clothes ripping and the torrid kissing, I found myself kneeling in front of him, trying to figure out how much of him I can put in my mouth. Although he wasn’t humping my face more than three inches away every time, I keep loosing his manhood from my mouth and always found myself try to catch it again while it dangled with his balls all around my face. I felt I was the epitome of “slutness” with my own spit all over my face. Saliva galore!

So I finally decided to stop that and put him on bed. Spooning suggested, I slowly opened a pack of 003 and to my surprise, it was a bit loose on him, when every time it should be “snuggy” fit. My “whatever” response didn’t stop him from doing his manly duties, showing me that “I’m the man” look. My heart melted and asked me to start it. Without ado, he started pumping vigorously that I had to ask him if he was inside me already.

“ Yeah baby, I’m about to cum..” he replied, while I thought in my head it was only foreplay as it felt he was only dry fucking me and the best is yet to come.

It never came, although he did, my big crush turned to a big crash as it was not enough to satisfy me in the end. Vertically and “manhoodly” challenged, we laid in bed gasping and trying to catch our breath when out of the blue, he asked me if I ate garlic beforehand.

He immediately stood up, grabbed his clothes and quickly rushed out the door, feeling immensely turned off and vowed never to kiss me again till I have removed that sting in my mouth.

So grateful for that sting in my mouth that I didn’t have to ask him to leave, I found myself disappointed and very amused. Never expecting that he would be that tiny, I have not even considered flossing that night.

Worse case scenario, he might have to find himself in the kid’s department for a rubber that would actually fit!

Italians, prove me wrong!

A Message

The princess is fine and is doing well. Missing his german prince..trying to work the labor so he will not be reminded of him.....

I postponed my London trip to next week-- for reasons i will only keep.





You've moved me in ways i never thought possible - strangely enough you feel i've broken down your walls - and thats not all...




I don't want to find out now

I don't want to know




All i want to do is to feel how good it is to be with you




and touch you, and hold you, and feel you..




one more time, that's all...












nothing more, nothing less

The Blissful Life

It was believed that Hong Kong was the luckiest place on earth. It enjoyed total independence from China not until 1997 turnover, experienced an economic growth no one city has ever and maintained it till this day and has never and will never ever experience any earthquake… except the kind that rocks our world.

It was one of those nights in Shanghai when I went out with my then boyfriend that I met the date of a common friend. He, the date, was in fact in a long distance relationship. We exchange remarks and funny jokes, belittling the fact that at the same time, my then boyfriend was trying his best to flirt with him, too.


Fast forward, I was checking my Face book messages when all of a sudden, I got one from him! Surprise, surprise! And he says;

“Sorry to jump in. have not seen you in a while... Hong Kong made you single??? Hope you are ok.”

There it was, a message I would never have dreamed of being in my Inbox. It was definitely him.

Suffice to say, we started exchanging messages until it came to a point of an agreement on meeting up.

We casually met in a restaurant down in Causeway Bay and started talking. Although it has been years since we last saw each other, it wasn’t that difficult to recognize him, the feeling I had for him was still burning inside me.

It was really him in the flesh. His bald head, long pointy nose and cute smile. Although his eyes showed of stress and skin seemed to have lost itself to gravity, it was still him.

It was a sweaty Wednesday night, hot and sticky we found ourselves lip locking, rolling all over his bed. We both lost it, his mind, my clothes, his socks, and our underwear.

When it was over, it wasn’t. Our lips stuck like super glue, seemed to be like opposite poles of a magnet. Yes, it was hot. I never felt anything like this before and it was all within grasp, he was.

The best part was yet to come. The next day, he found himself staying at my flat, smiling, attractive, sexy and very naked. He stayed for a while and left. But then again found himself right back after a week, indulging ourselves with each other, again and again and again.

The next few weeks found us messaging and getting so connected that no amount of work seemed to take our minds off each other. He texts, I text. He emails, I email back.

I would find myself asking, is this what they call an affair or a booty call? What is the difference in the first place? Since we both enjoy it so much, why do we let ourselves be overwhelmed with the while idea or better yet, is this what we call the rebound relationship?


I have actually never used my Blackberry as much as I have that both my thumbs started hurting. And it did, badly. Although come to think of it, it was good it happened so got more familiarized with this machine that seem to dominate Hong Kong ID holders.

This went on for weeks until today.

After coming back from Los Angeles and apparently breaking up with his boyfriend of four years, he gave me a break up call in the middle of my meeting, saying he cant see me anymore and that it would be best for him not to continue seeing me. Composed but very surprised, I told him to calm down and not think about it anymore.

But it compelled me to ask myself about the truth, the truth about relationship that it is in fact an involvement of two people who mutually share the same interest of each other.

And I had to ask, what gave him the thought of calling me and saying he cant see me anymore?

Didn’t he think that it was a decision made by two people involved in the same relationship?

Relationship as defined in wikipedia;

Intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship. It is a relationship in which the participants know or trust one another very well or are confidants of one another, or a relationship in which there is physical or emotional intimacy.

So now that he has embraced the fact that he can’t trust himself to have a relationship with me, where does this leave me then?

I think in the end it is the best and only way to solve whatever issues he has about having something with me. Whether he gets to solve it himself, i still get hurt in the end. To have the relationship is one thing, to trust him again is another.

But then, it poses another opportunity that maybe somehow, someday, this person becomes my northern star, all over again.

The G in the Bag

His name is Geoffrey Andrews. Ok sabi nga ni Mommy, wag daw akong mag de-date ng amerikano, may aids daw sila! Haha. Well yan talaga si mommy.

We met a few months back, by waiting in line sa banyo, binati niya ang sapatos kong gold, the first time I ever wore them. Sabi niya “ nice shoes”…yun na ang simula nun.

It was his first day in Hongkong when I met him. He was with a friend and basically discovering the city’s gay scene.



We saw each other several times, and he definitely grabbed some of my friend’s attention, saying na hot sha. Well the truth is, the first time I saw him , I thought he was hot too. But with every sgay man in Volume would probably be, isa na naman sha siguro shang bakasyunista. Well he wasn’t.

Several weeks passed, ayun batian lang ang nangyayari, nothing more than that. I would see him on dates and all.

Fast forward, we finally went on a date. It was great. I cant remember exactky how it happened. Was it me or was it him…but something started. And we had our first dinner, talked about it and insured a second one by him stealing the bill and paying for it.

In the first date I learned a lot about him. I saw him outside after that and yes we ended in his apartment. I liked him.

But it never ended there neither did we start talking to each other in public. That was weird. Till this day I still don’t know if it was me or him but it never worked as me and him, publicly.

We had our second date, magic. We talked and talked but this time he was a bit pre occupied. Work haunting him, fair enough. Hours went on, the Barolo wine was fantastic. The convertation ended in a topic off “ have you left someone back in LA?” he did, not just a guy, but a life he was used to.

Fair – it was too early to say if he did like staying in Hongkong or not. But I still liked him- this time a lot. He was sincere and true until he said, there was a friend of his coming from LA.

He did say they had plans but towards the end of the night when his friend was in town, he asked if I can meet up with them. I said yes.

Volume, packed they arrived. But before that I was telling my friends about how I feel about G and how great all of talks and conversations we had. The expensive dinners, the lifestyle, the works. No pretentions, no inhibition and the sex was as honest and sincere as I can imagine. My friends believed me and was happy for me until..

We all caught him kissing his friend, in front of me and my friends, publicly. So tanong ng mga friends, “ano yan?”

Humiliated, embarrassed and disappointed I kept my composure. I started asking, bakit sa akin di nya ginagawa yun? Ni Makita kaming magkasama hindi niya magawa, ni halikan di niya mabigay sa akin and yet, this guy, sa harap nang maraming tao, sa harapan ko pa, after such a date, was kissing this guy?


I was furious, hurt and felt disgraced and cheated on. What was I supposed to say, boyfriend ba ako?


I didn’t get it until the guy spoke while G went to the bathroom and said, “ shit and I have to have sex with that friend and his tiny little dick even if its against my will..”

There it was, the validation I was not expecting to hear. Even more, everyone laughed. I didn’t, but deep inside I knew I had won.

I didn’t speak to him anymore- he said to me I was cruel- was I or was I enjoying the fact that his friend insulted him ? was it more than anything but vengeance?

Is winning the most important thing?

I clearly remember that night I left hurt, betrayed and abandoned. Not knowing exactly what to do and how to react, I moved on and vowed to never trust G again.

But then more than anything, my heart beats of another message- cryptic, it doesn’t make sense at all, I was hurt terribly because I knew from that moment, I more than like him.

Introduction

Many people go through life like it’s a black hole and regret every day that they are in it. They tire themselves endlessly just to finish off a day and get on to the next hoping that it would get better every time. Others simply breeze through it as if nothing really matters except their job and how much work they have to do. These people, agree that 24 hours is never enough and simply wishes that times extends for them.

But for some people, everything is blissful.

I am one of those people, and my name is Ziggy and I live in Hong Kong.



I am designer, a brother, a son, a lover and a friend.



Many people asks me why start a blog?



I started this blog in the hope that I may give justice to this kind of lifestyle, the blissful one that obviously living in this city, many people share the same experiences. I hope that they can pick up something from here that can make their lives a little better.

Argh! Gym Frustrations

It never fails. Every time I go to the gym, I'm amazed by some people's gym etiquette...or for that matter...the lack there of. Although everyone is entitled to their good days and bad days, there is no excuse for flat out bad behavior. Here is a top ten list of those that are most inexcusable:

10. This isn't American Idol: Keep the singing, grunting and hyperventilating for the shower!

9. Not Putting Equipment Back where it Belongs: No, the 50 lb dumbbell does NOT go back in the 5 lb weight spot. There is a ZERO after the 5.

8. Chatting-Cathy and then Some: Chatty Cathy loudly regales his friend about his shopping spree at IFC, his date, his mani and pedi, his boss who he has a crush on, yada, yada, yada...

7. Exercising while on your Cell phone: Unless a person is expecting some majorly important news, there is no need to hold their cellphone hostage on the treadmill. Further, the last thing anyone needs to hear is the new 'Baby Got Back' ringtone.

6. Hijacking Equipment: Oblivious people who somehow don't see that you are waiting for a machine or in between sets.

5. Stalking other People: 'Heavy Breather' is standing right on top of you waiting for you to finish your set and/or 'Meathead' comes over to talk to you while you are obviously hard at work. No space...bad breath...hovering. Back-off buddy! This isn't a meat market!

4. Hogging Equipment: 'Camping-out' on equipment or running on the treadmill for 3 hours when there is a sign clearly stating that there is a 30 minute time limit on equipment. Let's learn to share...

3. Romper Room Fitness: It is so much fun when there are children running throughout the gym, hopping on and off equipment, screaming and yelling during your yoga class. Ohmmm!!!

2. Sliming up the equipment: Leaving behind sweat, dead skin cells and/or dandruff all over the equipment. This is not a forensics lab people!

1. Stinking up the Joint: Lack of deodorant, a bath in cologne or major gastrointestinal disorders are never really that aromatic...no matter how great you think any of it may smell.

Facebook's Mini Feed

There it is, the most dreaded news in facebook;

" Ziggy and Paolo ended their relationship."

These mini feeds are known to be notorious, almost invasive as it announces every event in your life. It shows everything from what you've done the night before, where you've been and almost as certain, your relationship status. Worse, it shows the whole world wide web how wasted you were the weekend, or worse the weekday before!

I have asked around and many of whom who never bothered knowing us started saying, " are you alright honey?" and many of whom who knows about us simply kept mum about it.

I had to ask, as curious as I am, what people really had to say about my relationship.

" We were not surprised.." most of them blurted.

And there it was, the undeniable statement I wasn't sure I ever wanted to hear, a validation of what I was really feeling deep down inside.

It died, early this year, and I have kept reviving and reviving it until I had almost brought it back to life. But he had given up, pretended that it can run on its own, with a life saving machine, it still was inevitable.

It was gone. It being the operative word for "the" relationship, is gone.

If it indeed die its natural death, what caused it? Wasn't it said that absence makes the heart fonder?

It didn't for me. I guess it didn't as well for him. Honestly, we would never know about it anymore. Hard as it may, we both had to accept that it happened, the break up, in a very awkward time and place, a wedding.

It had to, for there was no other place. Same issues arise, old time stories that at that very moment was more intense, almost like a siren that reverberates in your ear and gives you the feeling that you just have to get out of the vicinity.

And get out I did.

Everything seemed to have fallen into place, the statements, the principles, the time to break up. It seemed everything was laid out to the outcome that everyone has expected it to be. But why? Why did we ever give this impression that it's never going to last when it used to be that there is this big possibility that some love stories endure the test of time?

It wasn't easy, for both of us, but moving out was, from both Shanghai and the relationship. Ending the contract of the apartment was harder than disposing all of the things we accumulated together. There were a lot of sacrifices that needed to be done, executed in a precise way, almost immediately.

But then one has to pause and think, " so what happens now?"

I had no choice but to be true to myself and think of the greater good. Be a bigger person and take responsibility when I have to. That's why, after how many weeks, I had to finally write this;

To Paolo,

Im sorry, for all the hurt, pain and suffering. I admit to what I have done wrong and what I have failed to do for the relationship. I admit that I am not a better person without you at the moment but I will be soon enough. I had to learn to live with myself and now I am getting the hang of it.

You have been a person with good heart and a happy person at that. Too bad we never got to be close the same way as you are with your friends. I sincerely hope you become successful and happy with your life, and live it the way you've always wanted it to be, without me.

Ziggy

And with this note i leave this yesterday behind, ready to start my today.

I'm Not That Girl

Very few times you feel it, very seldom you want to be 'wicked'..

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl

When Shanghai cries

It has been in recorded history the longest time Shanghai has experienced snow since 17 years ago. Many rejoiced but majority was inconvenienced as most flights were cancelled or worse they shut down Pudong airport for one day.

But it was a lovely sight, never has shanghai been so beautiful and romantic at the same time since the 20s and never has the tree lined streets been a joy to behold.

I was with a colleague and best friend this morning coming from a meeting in Pudong and on the way back to our office i was amazed of beautiful the parks and streets of Shanghai.

China in its entirety still has some surprises waiting to be discovered. These simple things still make me very happy to be calling this magnificent place home.

And we are back!

Yes we are back- finally, we are once again allowed to access blogspot in China!

So many months have passed since the last time, so many things have changed- all for the better!

Amusing how things around you change as time passes by- apparently, these changes are brought upon by the choices we make and the emotions we project in certain situations.

I have been recently exposed to a documentary of the book 'The Secret' and have affected by it. I have tried sharing it with other people in the hope that it can help them as well. To my surprise, they do own the book!

It discusses about the Law of Attraction, simply put each person's experiences, whether good or bad- we attract this to ourselves. That the universe or so they call it has been programmed to react to each person's thoughts and feelings and brings about changes , expected or unexpected. Imagine Aladdin and his magic lamp, when the Genie starts asking him what he wants- he gets it, if he asks for it. In this instance, it is something you asked for, believe that you have it and that you can imagine having it--whole heartedly..

It sound easy, but not- your feelings, however minute its changes, can affect your wishes directly.

I have tried it myself and I can say it works to me--there are some wishes with delay factors--but then again, it should or else I probably would end up having things i dont whole heartedly like..

Have a read of the book -- it may bring changes to your life, or if not, can at least help you become a better person.